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Stay-At-Home-Dads: You’re a hero for sure, but don’t be like Christopher Columbus...

Comedian Brian Regan has a hilarious bit about U.S. Airlines Captain “Sully” Sullenberger and how a true hero is unable to call oneself a hero because that is simply not what heroes do.  

As you recall - just in case you lived amongst the Amish back in January 2009 - Capt. Sully was the nerves-of-steel airline pilot who ‘landed’ his disabled aircraft and its 155 passengers and crew safely in the Hudson River with no one getting seriously hurt.  With such a feat and by anyone’s book, including Regan’s (to listen to his comedic bit, click here and cue to 2:29), Capt. Sully is a textbook hero.  He landed a broken plane... barely flinching... in a river... with no one dying.  That’s hero status!  Period.

Somehow true heroes already know to avoid calling themselves as such.  They inexplicably know that it is just not what heroes do.  They avoid bringing attention to themselves and just do the job at hand.  They rise to the occasion because the occasion needs them to.  How this is the known ’to-do’ behavior still remains uncertain to me, but I really do think some rare ‘Hero Code of Conduct Manual’ exists out there and only the true heroes have a personal copy.

From my vantage point, I think it is high time for more full-time stay-at-home dads to dust off their own hero manuals and refresh their own Capt. Sully training.

Being the SAHD for our five children for more than a dozen years, I'll admit that it used to be easy to toot my own horn about having to survive the trials and tribulations of being the primary care caregiver for a basketball team-sized family.  I could wax poetic on being a “Mr. Mom” for long enough to remember and before it was even ‘cool' to be one.  

I could share how I remember leisurely looking at my own grocery list in hand while being asked mid-aisle by a mom and her magnanimous offer to help me find an item that I didn’t even know I needed help finding.  I can also remember my snarky reply back at her too, “Nope I’m good, why do YOU need help finding something?”

I can recall a time when male restrooms didn’t have changing tables in them and working dads were envious that they too didn’t get to watch ESPN all day.  Yeah, right!  I could reminisce of when moms acted shocked (and oddly envious) when they learned that I cooked... as in all the meals... and did the laundry AND even cleaned the dishes!  Shocking.  Yep, I too have had my fair share of ignorant elderly ladies call me out publicly when I was out with my kids sans wifey only to say, “Oh is daddy babysitting today?”  I also remember how I would throat-kick each one of them too... in my mind.

I remember being viewed as some sort of ‘pioneer parent’ that, unbeknownst to me, sought to break the gender mold... as if somehow my role as being a stay-at-home-father lumped me into some social agenda.  I recall the looks and comments at the playground where the veteran female stay-at-homies would gather together, Starbucks coffee in hand, for their latest neighborhood gossip... all the while being sure to be all fleek with their latest chic baby gear.  Oh please!

I can still remember summoning the strength to approach the all-knowing-and-all-powerful female PTA board for a simple question, only then to be “recommended" to 'pass along’ their all-important school information to my wife... as if doing so greatly improved the ‘vital' bake sale info to be properly received.  (Thankfully this occurs far less now!)

Yes, I could go on to explain how even pastors of my past have said that I was not properly providing for my family (ouch!) and that I have been publicly called such terms as “lazy”, “unemployed”, and presumably “uneducated.”  More so, I could say that I have been ‘victimized’ by doctors and their staff who implied that a dad couldn’t be as nurturing as a mom.  And, don’t forget to add how I have been ‘shamed' by friends and family who wondered when I was ‘gonna get a real job.’  Yes, the list can go on and on as could my reasons to stir the social whiney pot.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t worth it then and it still isn’t now.  Why?  Because public affirmation was never the goal of why we wanted one parent to stay at home.

Just like most stay-at-home parents, I have never regretted OUR family’s decision for me to be the parent at home... or as I like to call it... the head ref, the life goalie, and the literal glue that holds our crazy schedules together.  I truly have loved every minute of it and it’s very difficult to imagine ever hanging up the proverbial diaper bag.  The relationship I have with each of my kiddos is beyond priceless to me AND them... as I am sure most SAHPs would agree.

Nonetheless, there seems to be a growing trend for stay-at-home fathers to promote themselves as heroes.... a vocal trend to be seen for what we do versus why we do it.  These Captain Keyboarders seem to be charging some castle of social expectation with videos and blogs that shout, “Hey, look what I am doing everybody!  Pay attention to me!”  They demand credit as they create a voice.  They wear their emotions on their sleeves and they aren't afraid to admit it.  They see a show or an advertisement, get offended, and then get all keyboard courageous to tell the world... and for sure the product’s company homepage... that their feelings are hurt.  And when the real world won’t affirm their needs, they and their teammates seek the cyber world to stake some flag of some already discovered country.

Have I done this?  Sadly yes... so I speak from experience.  But it was weak then and it is still weak now.  Wisdom comes from experience and as such I have learned that those misguided actions are simply a battle not worth fighting.  

Relax stay-at-home-dads.  Heroes don’t draw attention to what they do, they just do it.  Proper parenting doesn’t allow Facebook touchdown dances or some quasi-Vine press conferences, so step away from the mic and just do the job.  There really is no need to write the company whose ad just depicted you as ‘less-than-a-real-dad.’  Doing so (as Regan adeptly explains) only gives them ammo against your own argument.  So put down the pitch fork and put out the torch and instead let your actions (and your wallet) speak louder than your words ever could.

Heroes are unique, but being a full-time stay at home dad isn’t.  Yeah, I have been doing it for a while, but I am hardly the first.  If you really want to be unique, why not instead be the best dad you can be to your kid(s) and as a result, you’ll end up being the hero that your family truly needs.

So step away from the keyboards guys, nobody likes a self-promoting hero... it is just not what good dads do.

_________________________

p.s.  And, as a reminder to those vocal SAHD newbies, women are and have been doing this gig in far greater numbers than us and for eons longer than we have... and you don’t see them bragging about it now do you?

When we self-promote ourselves, we look like a Christopher Columbus shouting that we have just discovered some new world of parenting.  We haven’t.  The ’natives’ have already been here long before us.  They too have a crying baby in tow, a way-too-long ’to-do list,’ and a lack of a good night’s sleep to get it all done.  They are not impressed... we shouldn’t be either.

Because growing up means letting go....

“Yes, I am happy about it.”

Really I am.  

It’s my best answer for when people ask me my feelings about our first born’s engagement to be married.  Yep... I am happy about it.  It’s true.

Am I ecstatic?  No.  Is she?  Yes.  Am I worried?  No.  Am I nervous?  Nope.  Will I cry at the wedding? Yes.  Will it likely be a big ugly cry?  Yes, again.  Do I like my future son-in-law?  Yes (but I doubt I’ll call him that as our family doesn’t do the ‘in-law’ tag thing).  But, yes, I do like him, a lot actually.

Still, when I get the question about my girl getting married - now even a month later - I have found that my answer remains the same, “Yes, I am happy about it.”  I am.  It is a true and honest answer, but it is also one that comes with a void.  That void is the unsatisfied wonder if that person across from me that is asking the question ‘get’s it.’  In other words, do they really understand what they are asking of me?  Do they understand that their question, that while genuine and not inaccurate, is incomplete? 

With my reply, I am always left walking away unfulfilled as their well-meaning question simply lacks a depth beyond their possible knowledge of a precious area in my life of which they are inquiring about.  I always walk away believing that the 'ask-er' just really doesn’t know the ‘ask-ee’ what they are asking.  Kind of like their context in framing their question cannot fit the context of me answering it.  Or, like a movie reporter interviewing a film’s actor before even seeing the film.  Or, similar to asking someone to draw a round square.  The terms just don’t compute.

I don’t mean the above to be haughty or negative in the way it sounds.  I really don’t, but still my unrequited hopes remain unrequited.  Yes, I fully know that I am not alone in this parent department too.  As such, after the first question, it is common for some to say (or “remind me” - yes, quotations intentional) something like, “You know you aren't the first dad to ever have to go through this,” or “Well, you know they do actually grow up eventually Papa.”  Or, let’s not forget my favorite of “You do want grandkids someday don’t you??”  (Of which my first thought is always, “Not today!!!”)  Alas, with each passing comment, my head will nod with a yes, I will smirk or do a chuckle, and I will often give a stunted smile.  This is when my hopes will begin to rise with anticipation thinking that “maybe he will get it?” or “maybe she’ll understand?”  But, nonetheless, they keep talking and then those hopes quickly get dashed time and time again.

No one seems to get how I really feel about it and I have learned that no one will.  Nor should they.  It isn’t their fault.  It’s mine.  I get that.

Like the countless fathers before me seeing the absolute joy on their daughter’s face when she's showing off her engagement ring to everyone, I have come to learn that the world just won’t get the father’s take on the whole thing.  And vice versa, it would be wrong for me to begin to think that I could fully understand what other dads are going through during a similar thing for them as well.  In the end, I have found that it is our differences that make us the same.

The thing is though... and I can’t simplify this any easier... is that I was the first guy she ever fell in love with... and I will always cherish this!  But now... she is growing up.  And growing up for her means letting go for me... even if that is into the arms of another man.

Like each of her siblings, I have loved my daughter before I had even held my daughter.  She made me a father and provided me the depth of a love ocean that only a child can give.  I can still remember holding her in my arms when she was an infant and feeling a complete peace.  I absolutely adored having her fall asleep on my chest.  I can still remember her soft baby skin, those arm folds, the sweet smell of her freshly bathed hair, and those irreplaceable deep sleeping breaths, which could only mean that she felt safe and comfortable in her father’s arms.  Those moments were simply heavenly and I hope to always remember them.

But still, they grow up... and I have to let go.

I know, I know.  I can hear you.  “You don’t hold the monopoly on all dad’s loving their kids!”  Yes, you are right, but in turn you likely don’t hold an accurate perspective of how this dad loves his kids.  So don’t be surprised if my answer to your question is as incomplete to you as your question is to me.

Nonetheless, time always wins and my Babydoll is growing up.  And yes, I am happy about it.  I find comfort knowing this step, much like her literal first steps...or like when she learned to ride a bike, or stepped on a school bus, went to prom, or drove off to college... means my role as her dad will need to change again too.  

So ask away.  Am I ready for this?  No, I am not.  But, yes, I am happy about it.

_____________________________________________________________

And in case you are wondering, I think William Parrish from "Meet Joe Black” ‘got it’.  

That guy knew what it was like to be a dad.

"I loved [my daughter] from the moment she was born, and I love her now and every minute in between. And what I dream of is a man who will discover her, and that she will discover a man who will love her, who is worthy of her, who is of this world, this time and has the grace, compassion, and fortitude to walk beside her as she makes her way through this beautiful thing called life.”

"Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t live without. Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy, and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life without this. To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven’t tried, then you haven’t lived.”

“I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy, 

or at least leave yourself open to be.”

"Now multiply that by infinity, take that to the depth of forever, and you still will barely have a glimpse of what I’m talking about.”

William Parrish: "It’s hard to let go isn’t it?"
Joe Black: "Yes it is, Bill."
William Parrish: "Well, that’s life.”

Dear 67-Year-Old Me....

Twenty-five years from now, I will be 67-years-old.  

To the now me, '67' just seems like a forgettable number.  Nothing special about it comes to mind as it seems like just another mile marker on the road of life.  It is, however, one that I hope to be around for to actually see; tip my hat towards God for; and then keep driving on forward.  For some, sixty-seven is a very important age as it is the "current" number that our sage governmental leaders have chosen for we - the generous donors - to receive our full social security benefits....and yes, the word "current" is in quotes.  I guess the word "sage" could and should be too.

Honestly, I am not sure if being sixty-seven sounds like a looooong way off or an age that is rapidly approaching just around the corner.  Quite frankly, I am too busy doing the 'now' stuff to think about the 'then' stuff.  You see, I have five kiddos to train up, dreams to instill, band aids to hand out, opposite genders to swat away from the gene pool, and indelible precious memories to make.  Yes, 401k's are prudent and ROTH's are savvy, but smiles and laughs are investments too.

And no, I am not saying you shouldn't invest in your financial future now or to even live without a self-control button, so please don't hear what I am not saying.  One's future is not anything to be so cavalier about.  Still, I believe a massive group 'pause' is in order as we all should stop for a moment and just... breathe.  Breathe in a deep oxygen shot, check our life compass, and make sure our ship is heading in the right direction.  Yes, it is important we all do this from time to time.

But why do this now, you ask?  And, who says you should do this?  Max does.  Blame Max for it.  Max Schireson to be exact.  

If you don't know Max, don't worry.  I didn't know him before this morning and I really can't say I 'know' him even now because of reading his blog post.  But, I definitely can say that I do like Max's style.  

You see Max wrote a post (you can read it here if you would like) about why he was giving up the "best job [he has] ever had" to spend more time with his family.  He is simply tired of missing out on too many of life's precious family events versus being at work all the time.  Rest assured, it wasn't an easy decision for him, but a necessary one nonetheless.  

Max goes on to share how this decision also has the potential to cost his family millions of dollars in future revenue.  Such an impact no doubt would greatly alter the financial future for his family... and likely that of his family's family.  Decisions like these are never easy.  It was a real struggle for Max and his circumstances... just as it is for millions of other working parents.  I suppose tough decisions - those that involve 'legacy talk' - always are.

But for me now, my struggle now is quite different than Max's.  (Well obviously for one difference, I didn't have a multi-million dollar price tag option on the table.)

You see, I have been the full-time stay at home parent for our family for more than thirteen years.  For the number nerds out there, thirteen years on the job translates to about 31% of my life.  In fact, for kicks and giggles, if you were to take the ages of our kids versus my tenure at home, the numbers would be:  eldest (62% of her life), #2 (65%), #3 (100%), #4 (108%), and the youngest (144%).  Whoa dang!

Like Max's choice for the now, mine of the then wasn't that easy either.  But still, I have no regrets.  Having a full-time stay-at-home parent was, is, and will continue to be an essential investment for our family.  My wife and I both work hard to make it this way and I am incredibly thankful for her work to provide this option for us all.  We have made it a top priority to have a parent 'stand guard' through our kids' growing up moments, the doctor appointments, the sick days, the school yard lessons, and the countless amounts of impactful life choices.  Even today, this decision has required many more subsequent - and just as hard - financial decisions and sacrifices to sustain this choice.

Nonetheless, I tip my hat to Max, his wife, and his family at the decision they have made.  Rest assured, the family investment is well worth the sacrifice.  But, as perhaps a little beacon, I also advise him to be mindful of the rough seas ahead.

The hardest part of being a full-time stay at home parent is suspending the usage of your own gifts in order for your kid(s) to learn and use theirs.  Homework takes time and instruction.  Ball teams take time and dedication.  Playdates take time and gas.  Meals take time and money to prepare.  Teaching about who God is takes time and abundant grace.  And, tender heart moments take time and emotional investments.  Time, time, and more time.

Do you see a pattern?  Time, and... time, and....  Everything takes time and something 'else.'  The real problem, however, is not actually the zapping of time, but the fact that the time clock that keeps ticking is actually ticking on two people's clocks... that of the kid's and that of the SAHP's.  You see, the clock doesn't stop ticking on your life when you are investing in theirs.  And sadly, there are only so many pebbles in one's own life hourglass.  

You see, sometimes selfish doubts creep in between the countless to-do items.  If you are a parent - especially a full-time stay-at-home one - perhaps you too have danced with these thoughts?  For me, they often take the voice of my gifts and talents as they say, "Hey Scott, remember us?  When are you going to want to play with us again?"  Yes, these thoughts really happen.  And, yes, the struggle is real.

Thankfully, these thoughts don't stay around too long and seem to pass quickly with the next kiddo smile, "thank you, Papa", or hug.   But still, that selfish struggle is real.

Sometimes I need to remind myself... as well as my future 67-year-old self... that staying at home was never about me in the first place.  

Thanks for the reminder Max.

If you ever wanna make God laugh....

**DISCLAIMER:  It isn't bragging about your kid when you are 
actually bragging about God. ** 

We all have heard the notion that if you wanna make God laugh, just tell Him your plans.  My life is evidence of this.  All too often I have made plans for my life and then God just shows up making His own decisions.  It has happened so much that I can often feel Him smirking beforehand.  Some of His decisions have felt brilliant... others not so much.  Still, as the clay in this life picture, all is well in my soul as the Potter can sculpt as the Potter pleases.

One brilliant example of His handiwork is the same one Sandy and I celebrate today.  Today is Zoe Layne McCallum's 9th birthday.  Yep, it is really hard to believe, but at 6:43pm today, the world got a little more sass in it nine years ago.  That's when our little Zubs entered it.  Yeppers, she makes me smile and I think she is pretty much amazing... and I blame God and her mom for that.

I love this kid.  She is as smart as a whip; as opinionated as a moody movie critic; and as strong-willed as anyone I have ever met (excluding her mom of course... shocker!).  She has a joyful spirit that literally makes her unable to contain it.  Plus, I think she is kinda cute.  Her cuteness is like kryptonite to my willpower.  When these two forces go head to head, sometimes... I... just... can't... withstand... it... and she can win the battle of our wills. 

Zoe is our youngest child and our last birth child.  She is our third daughter of our five kiddos... and she rules the house.  If she wants something, she will get that something.  On the flip side, if she does not want something, that something simply will not happen... period.  She has a strong spirit and she does not yield to anyone... especially her father, who happens to be four times her size.  And even if she does 'yield' (yes, do the finger quote thing here), you can pretty much guarantee a parting shot comment to be said by her just to let you know of her disapproval of said yielding... not that it was unnoticeable before.

Zoe is a rule follower.  If the rules make sense, they will be followed.  If they do not, the rules are hereby irrelevant in her book.  She also has a keen sense of justice.  Right is right and wrong is wrong.  She can't stand it when her siblings are not 'fair' to her and she will not yield on not getting what she deserves.

Still, she does have her weaknesses.  She does not enjoy being outside because getting dirty is just not her thing.  She doesn't understand why people actually enjoy getting dirty.  It is beyond her sense of understanding.  Hence, athletics are not her forte.  For her first season of soccer, we intentionally set the bar low - like really low.  Like most parents, we didn't consider it a good game if our kid scores a goal.  Instead, we considered it a great game if she just touched the ball... that rolled to a stop right in front of her... at her feet.  Hence, the low bar.  Alas, athletics are just not her thing... at least at this point in her life.  

Zoe excels at matters of the mind.  She loves academics, loves getting more knowledge, and she has a memory like no other.  She is a prolific reader and she absolutely adores all things dogs.  All dogs - as in any kind of dog.  She just loves them all.  As such, she wants to be a veterinarian.  Also, because of her infatuation with dogs, she has already decided to not need a husband later in life because owning a dog will be sufficient for all of her happiness.  I would like to think this is a passing thought at her age, but with her I just wouldn't be so sure.

Sandy and I see her in charge of something later in life.  Whether it be with a classroom or a company, her skill set speaks of being in leadership.  Being a CEO of whatever is completely within the realm of possibilities.  And with Jesus as her Savior... her options are endless.

But to be frank, I think my little Zubs is pretty neat because if my life would have rolled out as I had planned it to, she simply wouldn't be here.  No, she wasn't an 'oopsy baby,' not in the least.  Instead, Zoe was the planned blessing of the unexpected gift of my marriage to Sandy.  You see, Sandy wasn't even part of my life back in 2003, but now she is my life as we enjoy it together.  They just weren't part of my plans.  Clearly though, God had a difference of opinion... and I am so glad He did.  Yielding doesn't come easy for a lot of guys and it didn't for me, but I will yield to Him because I think He knows what He is doing.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Happy birthday, Zoe.  You are a blessing to our family and your Papa loves you so very much.

And... thanks God!  To you goes all Glory and I yield to you.

My Boy....

So today, my eldest son turns 20 years old.  Yep, it has been two decades since MacKieson Royal McCallum said "Hey!" to the world... aaaaannnnnd he pretty much hasn't stopped talking ever since.

The world calls him by many names.  MacKieson, Mac, Big Mac, Mac & Cheese, Kisu, and even MacKenzie (if you are hard of hearing).  If you are family, it's usually Kieson, but if you are his grandmother, MacKieson is the rule.  As for me, his father, it's usually Bud or Buddy.  And for Jesus, well, He gets to call my boy "chosen" (1 Peter 2:9).

Rarely does a week pass that my Buddy and I are not compared to one another.  People - complete strangers mind you - will see the two of us together; do that 'head tilted to the side' thing; and curiously say with pointed fingers, "is that your dad?" or "is he your son?"  Lately, even when Kieson and I are not out and about together, I will still have people say to me, "Don't I know you from somewhere... have we met before?" My reply calms their curiosity as I ask, "Do you know a guy named Kieson?  That's my boy."  It's fun to see their non-verbals as they connect the father & son dots.

Yep, he's my boy and I love him so very much.  We walk alike, we talk alike, we look alike, and often times, we think alike.  He has been called my 6'1" 'mini-me.'  People will even comment on our similar mannerisms and that we resemble each other with how we share stories.

It has been said that we have the gift of always wanting to help others in need and that we have a natural ability for making people feel at ease.  So, that's cool I guess.

We care deeply for those close to us and we can be fiercely loyal.  We tend to have our hearts hurt because we choose to be led by them.  We are problem fixers at our core and we ALWAYS have an opinion on how things should be done... or at least be done better (which mind you is not a gift when used at each other).

Often, Kieson will wear his emotions on his sleeve, while I tend to be more even keeled.  Regardless, you can always tell when something is wrong with him because the air in the room changes.  Like his older sister, Kieson can shift the atmosphere of where he walks by default.  I am kinda jealous of this.  I think it must be one of his Christian X-Men mutant powers.  When this power is used for the good of others, it is simply amazing to watch in action; but when used for himself and his needs, it is flat out dangerous and gutting to witness.  While he is getting better at honing this ability as he matures, more sculpting is still needed.  But, he will get there.

I love my boy's smile.  When Kieson flashes that grin, I have literally seen people change their moods right before my eyes.  He also is not shy... at all... as in never.  I have seen him take the stage in front of hundreds of people to give a speech and hold captive every ear in the house at will.  Whether it is a sermon or a speech, a microphone in his hand can become an extension of his arm and within a few moments everyone will be paying attention.  Before the switch occurs though, I say quietly to myself, "here it comes... watch this!"  And then BOOM, he turns it on.  It truly is a thing of beauty to see it in action.  People just listen to him and for whatever reason he has been able to do this ever since he was a kid.  It's just a gift.

  

I want the best for my boy, even if this involves letting him make mistakes.  In my opinion, this is the toughest part of parenting.  It is always very difficult to see your child driving into a clear and evident pothole of life, then proactively advise them to turn, but still see them stay their course.  Yes, insert a deep "sigh" here.  Like me, he is stubborn and thick-headed, which explains a lot.  As such, I just have to let failure be the best teacher for him sometimes, even though I just don't like knowing this instructor.  His mistakes have hurt, some very deeply, but with each misstep we are reminded of our dire need for Jesus as Savior.  Through it all, Kieson is resilient and I admire this that about him.

I have high hopes for my son, as I suspect most dads do.  Kieson is covered in a spirit of excellence and favor.  As such, I can only teach and encourage him towards the destiny that is upon him, while also waiting patiently for it to be fulfilled.  My father was tough on me and I suppose I tend to be tough on my boys.  My parenting is based in love and I believe they know this.  I know God gave them to me for a reason, so I hope to give them back to Him well used.

I have always been Kieson's biggest fan and I suppose I always will.  He overwhelms with his gifts, his heart, and his joy.  When I look at him, I see a prince among boys.  He has a royal priesthood of great destiny upon him... and I simply cannot wait to see what he does for God's Kingdom.  Until then, I guess I will keep trying to get him there... and get there he will.  But, until that happens, I am just gonna' love him.

Happy Birthday, son.  I am so very proud of you.

Do You "Do Church?"

"Christ did not die on the cross so we can do church."  

I wish I was smart enough to have come up with this quote, but I didn't.  That brilliance goes to Bethel Redding's lead pastor, Bill Johnson.  

I encourage you to read the quote again, this time perhaps taking it a bit slower... allowing it time for more marinating.  I believe the words are powerful enough to change (or at least enhance) why you go to church.  I also encourage those in church leadership to say these words to themselves often; as well as over their flock.  It is always good to 'right the ship' and to steer from a direction not to be taken.  

From my experience, Johnson's quote speaks to a lie that many churches have bought into today.  Yes, a lie.  And don't worry, I use this critical statement with hesitation.  Why?  Because Jesus Christ is still the head of His church.  We must always be cautious when speaking about the Bride because of her one true Bridegroom.  And while Christ is no doubt without blemish, we as His followers do seem to be struggling to hear the voice of the Shepherd for how and why we 'do church.'  

Perhaps you should read the quote just one more time... "Christ did not die on the cross so we can do church."  By this third time, I suspect you have percolated a few reasons of your own for why you actually do go to church.  Perhaps these are a few:

• The worship.  I love the worship at our church.  Our worship leaders are great and they play today's best worship songs.  It is like a concert at my church.
• The programs.  My kid needs a youth group.  We would be lost without our support group.  My spouse and I need our small groups.  We just love our weekly bible study meetings.  
• The preaching.  I just love our pastor's weekly message.  His teaching is so relevant to my life today.  His messages are the best that I have ever heard.  My pastor is amazing.
• The people.  I love the sense of community at our church.  I just need to be around the Christ-loving people of my church.  I can sharpen them and they can sharpen me.

If this sounds like you (as it did me for many years), watch out and remember Christ did not die for us to just "do church."  While all of the above examples can be used for the good of His Kingdom, we must be careful not to let the product of the Church replace the purpose of the Church.  We must remember that we were created to glorify the Creator in and above all things (Isaiah 43:7; Matthew 5:15; 22:37-39; Romans; 11:36; Ephesians 4:10; Revelation 4:11;...).  

Be wary, brothers and sisters, if the pastor's message becomes more sought after than hearing the voice of the one true Author.  Be vigilant not to let a church program trump God's Presence.  And remember church, the worship is not for your enjoyment, it exists for His.  I suggest for you to stand alert to why you go to church... as you may just be making an idol out of what was always intended to be a relationship.  

Let's look at this often so subtle lie in a different way.  If you were to leave (or lose) your church, what is the one thing you would miss the most?  The people?  The message?   How about the programs?  Be real to yourself.  What would be the one thing you would miss the most?  If your answer does not involve "because God is moving there," then why go?  Why yolk ourselves to where He is not moving?

We as the Church have been given the Holy Spirit because we are called to host His Presence in all the things we do.  Yes everything.  The very intent of our own creation was for us to be with God at all times; together in relationship.  Being in His Presence has always been God's prime directive for us.  Even when sin was welcomed in by Adam and Eve and they were scared and sought refuge from His expected anger, our omnipotent God instead was without our relationship and asked in love, "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9).  

We have a jealous God and He seeks our attention.  Being glorified by us is all that He wants.  Jesus died for this.  Christ even previewed how His crucifixion was for "our advantage" (John 16:7) in order for His Holy Spirit to be with us always.  Why was this needed?  Of course, in order for us to be in constant relationship with the Father.  Let us, the church, seek to be the attached branch we were designed to be (John 15:5).

If you are not hearing from God where you attend church, make sure to take notice.  If the Holy Spirit is asked to take a backseat at your church in order to provide a more timely structure for her programs, check to see if your church is attached to the vine.  Don't compromise on this.  Compromise can be the doorman to deception.  Having the Bride join together as a once a week item on a 'to do checklist' was never the plan; nor is the goal to 'keep the sheep busy with a church event planned for every night of the week.'   That is not the purpose of the Church.

Don't settle with your church.  Christ didn't die for that.  It is time for the pendulum of the church to swing back to where it was designed to be, which is to be in constant relationship with the Father through the gift of His Son provided by the Holy Spirit (John 15:5).  It is not about us.  It is about being with Him.

Press in and press on.  There is more.  Go get it!

To learn more about how to seek God's Presence; or Pastor Bill Johnson, I recommend the following:

Strengthen Yourself in The Lord.  Author Bill Johnson (Destiny Image Publishers, 2007)

Hosting the Presence.  Author Bill Johnson (Destiny Image Publishers, 2012)

Just when you think you know a movie....

Okay, you can probably guess the name of this movie:

Of course you can... it's "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."  The 1986 classic coming-of-age film directed by John Hughes.  As you probably know, it's a movie that follows high school senior Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), who decides to skip school and spend a serendipitous day in downtown Chicago.  Accompanied by is girlfriend Sloane Peterson (Mia Sara) and his sheltered best friend Cameron Frye (Alan Ruck), he creatively avoids his school's Dean of Students Edward R. Rooney (Jeffrey Jones), his resentful sister Jeanie (Jennifer Grey), and of course, his own loving parents.

I LOVE this movie.  It is a personal favorite of mine that I still find myself quoting quite regularly.  It is one those movies that when it is on the television, it HAS to be watched.  A sort of television black hole of required viewing.  From saying the classic lines of "Anyone???  Anyone???" to wishing you were actually cool enough to pull off the "Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago" reservation bit, Ferris Bueller is simply one of the best comedies ever.

Plus, the car... yes the car, it was so "choice."  We must not forget that beauty:

As Cameron quotes, the car was a "1961 Ferrari 250GT California."  Continuing with, "less than a hundred were made.  My father spent three years restoring this car.  It is his love, it is his passion...."  Only to be finished by Ferris who interrupts with, "It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."

Released by Paramount Pictures, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" had a budget of only $5.8 million, but went on to gross more than $70 million at the box office.  The movie was widely accepted then by both audiences and critics alike and it still remains popular today.

Yes, the movie has stood the test of time, but I have a question for you.  What would you say the movie is truly about?  Like me, I bet you have never seen the true point of the whole movie.  I had never caught it before, but a a few nights ago it was revealed crystal clear to me and now I feel like an idiot for not seeing it for all this time.  Is your interest piqued?  Read on.

"Scott, what are you talking about?" Is Ferris Bueller not a movie about a kid thumbing his nose at the "childishness" requirements of high school and the authority in place who make him go.  Is it not a hilarious movie about a high school senior, his girlfriend, and his best buddy who conspire to have a glorious day off from school in order to best the system, to out-duel those in power, all in order to win the day in the end?  Is it not all about a clever kid, albeit a tad spoiled and a wee-bit full of himself one, who is able to pull off the perfect skip day all the time making us all wanting to be more like Ferris?  Yes, it is.  But, I argue the point of the movie has nothing to do with Ferris at all.

Ask yourself, what was Ferris' true goal?  Why did Ferris actually need one more day off, his "ninth sick day" of the semester?

Cue to the 3:49 minute mark of the movie for a clue:  "This is my ninth sick day of the semester.  It's getting pretty tough to come up with new illnesses.  If I go for ten I might have to barf up a lung.  So I better make this one count."

Why is this one so important?  Why did it need to "count"?  If a kid could pull off eight previous days, as it was inferred, why couldn't Ferris just pull off another one?  Why is this one different?  The answer resides in fully looking at the situation.  Ask yourself, who else didn't go to school that day?  Yes, Cameron, Ferris' best buddy "since the fifth grade."  Cameron was home 'sick' too and little did he know that Ferris was about to rescue him in more ways than he could have known.

As it turns out, the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" - beyond all it comedic fun and fluff - is actually a tender hearted hero movie down at its core.  Beyond all the antics, it is a movie about a good friend risking it all (in this case graduating on time) to save his best friend.  In the end, it is a movie about Ferris saving Cameron from himself.

Like all hero movies, there is the protagonist (Ferris), the bad guy (Rooney), the one in need (Cameron), and the heroic victory (Cameron ultimately confronting his unloving father).  And likewise, with most heroic story lines, there needed to be a heroic sacrifice.  In this case, it was... insert a tearful *sniff sniff* here... the car.  Yep, the beautiful, without blemish, 1961 Ferrari became the perfect sacrifice.  As we all know, Cameron ultimately "killed the car" in his state of 'enough is enough' in order to start being seen as a man in his father's eyes.  Yep, the car gave its life so Cameron could stand up and start living his.

Need more evidence. cue to the 1:29 minute 32 second mark of the movie where the 'day off' is coming to a close, the car is dead, and Ferris is saying goodbye to Sloane, his girlfriend:  Sloane: "Do you think Cameron is gonna be okay?"  Ferris:  "Oh yeah... yeah sure.  For the first time in his life... he is gonna be just fine."  (Cue the long pause as Sloane clearly gets the full revelation as to Ferris' true motive for the day off.)  Sloane:  "You knew what you were doing when you woke up this morning, didn't you."  Ferris:  "Me???  Nah."

Still need more proof, cue minute mark 5:23, which is very early in the movie.  We are actually told why Ferris is trying to take the day off.  Again, I just never saw it:  Ferris:  "Cameron this is my ninth sick day.  If I get caught, I won't graduate. I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for you."  

I know, I know.  "Scott, aren't you spending a wee bit too much time focusing on some old 80's movie?"  Well, maybe, but I ask, did you ever realize it before?  Did you ever notice the soft hearted mission Ferris was on before?  I didn't and I am kinda surprised I have never caught it before.  After all the times I have seen this movie, quoted this movie, recommended this movie, I simply missed it.

The whole movie... all the antics... all the perfection... is just a movie about a guy setting out to rescue his best friend.  "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" in the end has actually nothing to do about Ferris Bueller and everything to do with his buddy Cameron.  The movie isn't about a kid seeking to have fun who ends up helping his buddy.  It is a movie about a kid who seeks to save his friend and uses fun to do it.  Who woulda' thunk?  

So, I guess Ferris was right in the end, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once and a while, you could miss it."

A masterpiece to a kid's mind....

Twenty-One Thoughts for My Twenty-One Year Old Daughter

This is simply not possible.  I refuse to accept it.  It cannot be happening, because in my mind you are still my little Babydoll.... that little baby girl I could fit between my elbow and the palm of my hand.   Yep, you made my heart grow bigger when I first saw you then and you, like your siblings, still do now each time you walk through our home's front door.

Happy Birthday, my daughter.  You have an awesome life ahead of you and the world truly is your stage.  So, as you turn 21 today and as my dimming parenting theater lights are moving from me to over to you, first let me share a few thoughts:


Twenty-one thoughts from a papa to his little girl

1. Dream big and dream often.  Nothing ever comes from not speaking them into existence first.  God has an abundant life for you.  Go get it!
2. "The Golden Rule" is still the best rule.
3. Laugh and smile everyday.  Today is yesterday's gift to you.  Treat it as such.  A great way to begin each day is, "Thanks God!  So, what are we gonna do today?"
4. Always thirst to do better than you think you can.  Failure often happens when the expectation bar is set too low vs. not high enough.
5. Marry a beautiful Godly woman and treat her like the queen she is.  Wait, that advice is for your brothers... never mind.
6. Read your bible often; especially The Gospels and Proverbs.  The author seems to know what He is talking about.
7. Take risks.  Being too comfortable too long is just existing in a plush prison.
8. Treat people with respect and expect the same in return.
9. Be on time for your commitments.  Remember, "five minutes early is on time and on time is five minutes late" 
10. Often the best solution is the simplest one.  Don't overthink a problem and hence making it bigger than it actually is.  
11. Obey the law.  Until you actually make the rules, you still need to obey them.
12. God sees you as a princess... and so do I.  Your kingdom awaits you, m'lady.
13. Be a good steward of His financial blessings and learn the benefits of compounding interest right now.  As in today.  Your seventy-year-old self will thank you.
14. Don't get caught up in what other people think about you.  They don't know you as well as you do.  Seek the wisdom of people worthy of your respect.  Flush any opinions worthy of flushing.
15. Watch out for boys.  I told you this years ago and it still is true.  And just remember that in my book, one might actually be acceptable one day, but not one will ever be good enough for you.
16. Speaking of #15.  If a boyfriend doesn't treat you like a queen now, he won't treat you like a queen later.  Kick him to the curb immediately and move on.  Trust me on this.
17. Jesus is THE ultimate trendsetter.  He is one cool guy.  Continue to get to know Him and life will go very well for you.
18. Never stop learning.  Continue to invest in your mind and you will never be poor.
19. Take A LOT of photographs, as in a scad of pictures.  Life is worth remembering and photographs allow you to relive those memories in an instant.
20. The human body is an amazing creation.  Treat it as such.  Respect yours and demand others to do the same.  It is the most amazing gift you will ever own.
21. Moms are amazing and you have had two moms that love you so very dearly.  I am pretty sure that means you must be very special.

If I could give you one more, a kind of 'one to grow on', it would be this... I love you, my Babydoll.  I did then, I do now, and I always will.   (Yes, my eyes are swelling as I type this and I am having a hard time finishing the sentence.)  

You are a very special young woman and I am so very proud to be your father.  While I know you are not a little baby girl anymore, please know you will always be so to me.  

As you spread your wings to begin to fly, please be sure to stop in from time to time to say hey.  I will always have a big papa hug waiting for you.

Small window, big impact....

Although the media will never get the blame with how it truly affects the development of the human mind, I think we can all agree the media, in all of its forms, can have a HUGE impact on all of us.  

Because our minds are all as different as the situation we live in, one message may affect one person completely different than that of someone else.  For example, watching Rocky IV may not have made my sixteen year old self really want to step into the boxing ring with a steroid injected Russian giant, but it did make me want to train like Rocky and Drago.  (Yes, Rock's inverted sit-ups were truly inspiring.)

Nonetheless, the media of my youth truly did make their impact.  With the following categories, here are the media artifacts that made their way deep into my soul by the time I was a teen.

The BOOK:  

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (1964)

No book (apart from the Bible) has affected me as much as this simple book about a tree who loved a boy so much that she gave everything she had for him.  

This simple, but impactful, book truly set the stage for my views on how to approach life as well as parenting.

The MOVIE:

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

What can I say about this crazy movie and one boy's dream of winning that prized golden ticket?  It had a huge impact on me and how not to act as a child (i.e. not like Veruca Salt).  Charlie, despite his impoverished background, was a prince among boys.

Thanks for the remake effort Johnny Depp, but you may now be seated.

  

The SONG:

Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin (1974)

Welcome to the classic folk song about every father's eternal dilemma.  We, as men, are called to raise a family, provide for that family, and somehow spend enough time with our sons so they in turn can do the same with their future family.  

While women today are no doubt approaching this same pressured choice, this pressure still remains higher for the husband/father... as it should be.  

Also welcome to a major reason to why I am a providing stay-at-home father.

The NEWS EVENT:

The Challenger Space Shuttle Disaster (1986)

Boom!  In a blink of an eye, the hopes and dreams of all wannabe astronauts were forever changed as a "major malfunction" ended the lives of seven heroic astronauts, one being the "first teacher into space."  

The plume is instantly recognizable as is the bitter taste that soon forms in the back of your mouth.  This moment taught me to savor each moment forever.

The ELECTRONIC ADDICTION:

Yeah Baby!  The Atari 2600.  Released September 11, 1977 and from then on forever changing the electronic home gaming industry into being the twenty-one billion dollar industry it is today (http://www.theesa.com/facts/pdfs/esa_ef_2013.pdf).  

I can still feel the single red buttoned controller in my prepubescent hand.  

All hail the first electronic babysitter. 

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Yep, there they are.  Each example still brings back a mixed smile upon my face and an indelible mark upon my heart.

Feel free to share your own in each category.